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Getting in Touch with your Inner Child
by Kellie Head
To be honest, I'm not sure if I am just in touch with my inner child, or
simply immature. I'm sure there would be convincing litigation on either
side of the debate.
After having decided not to make an appearance at Curriculum Night at
the elementary school (because, well, it's boring), I elected to do the
mature thing of attending a parent/teacher conference with my child's
first grade teacher.
I showed up on time, conservatively attired with my head held high.
There was no way I am going to be intimidated by the teachers who once
frisked me for hall passes and made me write "I will not chew gum in
class" 200 times. I served my time and now I held the cards.
"I", after all, am the Parent (read that last word with a
reverberating echo for full effect).
"Hello, Mrs. Head." Mrs. Bennett politely welcomed.
"Please, call me Kellie." I extended my hand to greet her. Wait,
isn't
this the part where she says "And please, call me Barbara"?
No such
offer came. This was certainly not going to help. Now I was
irritated
and could feel the inner child jabbing at my ribs. I took a deep breath
and moved on.
We began by sitting in the classroom's reading center. The chair's
seat was approximately four inches from the floor and I could feel my
decorum slipping away from me as I crouched to sit. My knees cracked
and my shins hit the table, but I think I pulled it off with a certain
degree of style.
The teacher and her assistant had positioned me in the corner - very
clever, but even this would not weaken my edge - my edge as the mature
parent.
"Delaney didn't do well on her spelling test last week. It's obvious
she
didn't study."
I quickly responded with a very immature "Did so!"
UGH! My inner child spoke without permission. This would surely blow
my cover - my façade of maturity and grace under pressure.
"I always make sure she is prepared for tests." I scrambled to
recover
from my last remark. "How can I help improve her efforts?"
There, that
should do the trick. Every grown-up, mature parent focuses on betterment
where their child's education is concerned.
Her trap was set and I walked right into it.
"Well, for starters," she began "use this set of flash
cards to quiz her
over the words and vowel sounds. Then you can play word games and create
sentences with them. Also, take these alphabet magnets and let her
make words on the refrigerator with them. I also have several other
ideas and have taken the liberty of jotting down this list."
She rambled off her list with a sickening sweet tone and the speed of a
livestock auctioneer. My head began to swim.
"Uh, ok." I said in a daze while gathering the study supplies
and
heading for the door.
It wasn't until I returned to my car and put the key in the ignition
that I realized what had just transpired. After more than 15 years she
is still giving me homework. My only source of comfort was the
thought of my inner child beating up her inner child at the bus stop after
school.
Kellie Head is the mother of six (seven, if you count the inner child)
and the Publishing Editor of The "M" Word-- Parenting Humor
Magazine located at http://www.the-M-word.com
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